As with all good things, my story starts on a cold winter’s night. Imagine, if you will, the crashing of thunder and lightening, the pelting of rain and hail, and a full red moon peeking out from a break in the clouds. This was the night that our heroine first discovered the book in the McEtiquette family library that changed the course of her life.

         Civility McEtiquette was perusing her parents’ bookshelves looking for a novel to read when her hand came into contact with an old cracked leather book hiding behind the novels. She pulled it out from its hiding place to exam: the leather, which had once been red, was now almost black, and despite care, had begun to crack. As she flipped upon the cover a spark of lightening hit the sky. But since the dramatic is a day-to-day occurrence among the Clan McEtiquette, Civility paid it no mind. On the title page there was a painting of a young girl who was unmistakably a McEtiquette. The talented artist had managed to capture the particular intelligent glint in the eye, the tilt of the head and shoulders that seemed to say “I know I’m vastly superior to most, but I shouldn’t like to be so rude as to say so” that every McEtiquette had. The young girl was dressed in clothes that placed her around the middle ages, if not older. In one hand she held a parasol (the ancient symbol for power and protection among the McEtiquettes) and in the other a copy of the very book the painting was displayed in. Underneath was written: Duchess Manners McEtiquette. After gazing some time at the picture Civility turned the page and gasped, she knew what this was: the journal of one of the greatest McEtiquettes that had ever lived! There had been rumors of such a journal, but no one had ever found it. And now there it was, sitting in Civility’s hands. Though she could recognize that the spidery cursive was old French she had not progressed far enough into her studies to decipher it. While almost every adult in the Clan could have translated it for her, she knew instinctively that she had to take this straight to her great aunt Duchess Politesse McEtiquette.

            Civility rang for the Formal, the butler whose family had served as butlers in the McEtiquette houses for hundreds of years. “Yes, Ms. Civility?” he asked in kind but respectful tone.

            “Order up the car. I must see the duchess at once.” Because she had asked to see the duchess and not her aunt, Formal knew immediately that it was important and hurried as properly as possible to follow out his lady’s request. Before heading downstairs herself, Civility went to her room and pulled out a silk shawl to carefully wrap the book in.

            When she reached the manor Civility dashed out of the car almost too quickly for another Formal butler to unfurl an umbrella over her head. “Ms. Civility?” he inquired politely.

            “Is her Grace awake?” she asked.

            “I will inquire directly.” Civility waited in the parlor, all the time clutching the book to her chest. The butler returned shortly and indicated that she should follow.

            Duchess Politesse was sitting near the fireplace in the library, wrapped in a china silk dressing gown, and smiled as her disheveled great niece walked in. She had already guessed what had brought Civility. “Sit down, my dear. Formal will bring us tea.”

            “I have something that you have to see, ma’am.” Civility held the book out politely but firmly before she sat down in the embroidered wingback chair her great aunt had gestured towards. “Do you realize what it is!?” Civility said quickly.

            The duchess smiled. “I do indeed, my dear. I haven’t seen this in years.”

            A puzzled look came to Civility’s face. “In years? You mean you’ve seen it before? But it’s been missing for centuries!”

            “It was never lost, child.” And handing the book back to Civility, Politesse began to explain. “When I was young, your age in fact, I found that book myself hidden in my parents’ library.” Civility gasped but Politesse shushed her. “And I did the same thing as you, rushed it to my duchess. We sat in this very same library as she told me that she herself had found the book in the very same manner, and that it meant I was being given a chance to take her place as duchess when she was gone. That book, Civility, which belonged to our great ancestor, Manners McEtiquette, shows up once each generation to let the current duchess know who will take her place. And because it now rests in your hands, you are being given the chance to prove yourself.”

            “What do you mean?” Civility asked in wonder.

            “I am going to give you the same test that was given to me, and to every other duchess before me, and if you can complete it, I will name you my successor. Do you accept, child?”

            Civility nodded, unable to speak.

            “You have one year to bring me the answer to this question: Why is etiquette important?”

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            A week later Civility had asked every member of the clan why they thought etiquette was important, but none of them could give her the answer she thought was correct.

“Because how else would one act?” answered her aunt Decorum.

“Because being impolite is rude,” answered her cousin Conduct.

“My dear, why would you even question it?” asked her uncle Deportment.

And it was then that Civility realized that etiquette was so much a part of the Clan McEtiquette that if she was going to find the answer she would have to look outside the Duchy.

And so, after packing a small bag of needments, Civility set out into the neighboring country to learn why etiquette is important.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Civility’s traveled first to the city of Mannerbadia. At the surface it looked like a wonderful city. People were free to do whatever they liked and to say whatever they liked.

After quite a bit of walking around the city Civility settled herself into a café for a refreshing cup of tea. “Sorry lady, we don’t sell tea here,” replied a surly waiter.

            Holding onto her countenance Civility replied, “That’s quite alright, I will take coffee.”

            When the waiter finally returned with her coffee Civility took one sip and hid a grimace. She wasn’t quite sure what the black liquid in her cup was, but she was certain that it wasn’t coffee. Pouring in generous amounts of sugar and cream she watched the waiter as he carefully avoided some angry looking customers shouting for his attention. “Hey! When are we going to get some damn service over here?!”

            Civility reflected on this as she left the café and continued her way through the city. Next she stopped at a park and sat down to admire the view of swans on a lake. As she did she noticed a mother and young child walking along the edge of the shore. The child saw a vendor of iced creams not too far away and began begging his mother for a cone, but the mother told her child it would spoil his dinner. Just then a second lady walked up to the mother and said “Ah come on, you’re only a kid once. You should buy your child some ice cream.” Soon the two women were in a heated argument and Civility quickly left.

            As she walked down the city’s main street Civility was suddenly shoved aside by a man walking quickly by her. “Move it, lady,” he yelled at her. “I’m in a hurry.”

            Civility stared at the man. “I…I beg your pardon?” she asked. But the man had already left.

            Civility spent two weeks in Mannerbadia, and the more she saw the more she understood the question Duchess Politesse had posed to her. All around the city people praised their freedom to say and do as they pleased, but when a conflict occurred between two people’s freedom they were at a loss of what to do, and so arguments and fights were common in Mannerbadia.

            For five months Civility traveled from city to city. After Mannerbadia she went to Vulgaria and from there to Discourtesies, Uncivilar, and Impertinin. And in all these cities she saw the same arguments erupt around her that she saw in Mannerbadia. 

            After five months of travel Civility returned home and took the journal of Duchess Manners from the trunk were she had stored it, still wrapped in her silk shawl and went to see Duchess Politesse.

            “My dear, I am glad you are back,” said Duchess Politesse greeting her great grand niece. “Do you have the answer? Why is etiquette so important?”

             And Civility thought back to all she seen and answered with assurance. “Because etiquette is the basic bargaining tool for every civilization: I promise not to annoy you to the point of violence if you do the same for me. It makes it so we can live in communities and function in a manner that everyone can understand.”

            Duchess Politesse smiled at the young girl before her. “That is exactly it, Civility. You have done well. You will now be the duchess after me, and when you have studied enough to read old French, you will read that journal of your great ancestor from the middle ages and understand that etiquette has always been a part of society no matter whether people embrace it or ignore it. And because of that the McEtiquettes have always been the protectors of etiquette, and therefore civilization.”